Caffeine

Baby, I'm full of caffeine and hate! Can't sleep a wink! But your legs feel great! Let's hobble each other and scream as termites fly by our bloodied faces. When I hold you down, you know it. When I pin you down you better believe it. My 4 nails for you include my manic depression and obsession with every way you move. I'll pin you down like you deserve it. I'll slap you like I mean it. Let's watch the termite swarm this hot summer night. I'll lick your wounds by the moonlight. I pinned you down like you deserved...did I do well? I'll give you  the hammer this time. Aim below the kneecap. It only hurts when I stare in your eyes.

I'm dead to the whole FUCKING world

I die in her fucking arms
I die between her legs
I die between the sheets with her
I die holding her small sweaty dirty hand
I die when she's away
And when I'm with her
I'm dead to the whole FUCKING world.

When I fall off the bike 
No mater how bloodied and bruised 
I get back on 
I drink harder 
I fuck harder 
I scream the name of the one who pushed me off 
I envision their face in the urinal 
I break beer bottles and down whiskey 
If I get whisky dick I don't cry about it I eat pussy and let my fingers walk 
Fuck that bitch 
Her loss 
My gain in self destruction.

Today I woke up sleepy

Today I woke up sleepy

The pain from the war wound still stinging

The smell of the woman from last night on my fingers

The smell of the woman the night before still on my sheets

No amounts of coffee can remove the taste of her smile

It has become addicting

she has become my drug of choice

This addict

I awake sleepy

I stumble

for she is still heavy in my head

Two woman the night before

and only she can swell my brain

when I haven't seen her since...

the 3 mornings before.

I can wash off their smell, but I can't let go of her.

I hate you she screamed

"I hate you!"
I take a palm to the face.
"I hate you!"
I take a boot to the knee.
"I hate you!"
Do I deserve this?
Nipple clamps....now? Really?
safe word...safe word..
lost in the screaming...
I HATE YOU
I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!
worst...
sex...
ever.

Cannibal of love

When you ripped my heart out
You took my intestines with it
I followed them for miles
picking them off the dirty ground
shoving them back in my stomach
Apologize to old ladies tripping over them
"I'm sorry mam bad love affair"
They shake their head in disgust
"You should go to church! Find a good girl there!"
Wish I could they kicked me out after I washed my bloody hands in the holy water
Not my fault
I'm bleeding because I have a hole in my chest from a viscous hungry cannibal of a woman!
NOW LOOK AT MY GUTS! Covered in trash and dog shit! Bad enough I have the stench of failure!
Finally I near the end, struggling to put it all, shove it all, put myself togther...and there at the end of my intestines...
YOU! Eating my heart...with HIM! Oh come now!
How dare you share my heart with a complete stranger.
I demand you puke it up now!
Now I have a heart...with a damn fork in it!

Vulture of love.

They like to run away when you get close
like roaches
scury away.
or shy little puppies.
That have been abused.
They can scream at you all they want
but you are never allowed to scream back.
Love is taking their shit
And not putting up with yours
You can cry in front of them
It's never good enough
You can take care of them
It's never good enough
feed them
Never good enough.
Don't cut yourself! Don't bleed!
Because then you will be stuck with them forever.